Midnight Mutterings | Interspecies conversation

||| MIDNIGHT MUTTERINGS by JACKIE BATES |||

Note from Jackie: I was not part of this conversation and I did not observe it. It was related to me by one of the participants, the taller one.

Participants: Rose-the-Cat, nine months old
Jay: A whole lot older and the informant

Setting: A small bathroom in Bellingham, Washington

The conversation begins as Jay steps from she shower, dripping wet and reaches for a towel. Just then, Rose-the-Cat manages to push open the heavy door, thunders into the room and pulls the towel off the rod onto the floor. Then she jumps on the closed toilet seat.

(Jay grabs the towel from the floor, begins to dry himself off while Rose stares at him.)

Jay: What are you looking at?

Rose: What happened to your hair?

Jay: If you mean why am I bald? Well, it’s all about bad genes from my mother’s side of the family.

Rose: Is that why you always wear a baseball hat?

Jay: Pretty much, but it’s also to keep the sun off my head. Rude of you to ask.

Rose: Sorry. I like to warm my head in the sun. I guess we’re different that way. But I meant what happened to your all-over fur?

Jay: (Keeps drying himself) I never really had any, except on my head when I was born. Then when I got older, just a patch here and there.

Rose: That’s awful. Aren’t you cold all the time?

Jay: I would be if I didn’t have clothes to keep me warm.

Rose: That’s why I never noticed you were practically hairless? Because of your clothes?

Jay: I guess. We’re all like this. People, I mean.

Rose: In all my months, I never noticed that. Why were you all wet?

Jay: I was having a shower. Getting clean. Before you broke through the door.

Rose: No tongue? That’s the way to keep clean. Then you don’t get wet and cold. You should try it.

Jay: I’ll keep that in mind. We people have always done it with water. Nice warm water.

Rose: It doesn’t make sense to me. But I do like playing in water. Small amounts of water.

Jay: I know. That’s why every bowl or cup of water is turned over, water spilling on the floor, on the table, ruining important papers. Making a mess.

Rose: Not me. That’s Molly. She does all the bad stuff. But she does give me a good bath when I’m feeling too lazy to lick myself. She holds me down with her paw and licks me all over. You should try it. Better than a shower any day. And you stay warm and dry. What’s not to like?

Jay: Well, Molly is your sister. So that’s something sister’s can do for each other.

Rose: I know Molly is my sister. But don’t know what that means. A sister.

Jay: (Starts getting dressed. Hangs up the towel. Rose pulls it down.) It means you and Molly have the same mother. Do you remember your mother?

Rose: Not really. Just what I’ve heard you say. That there were two mothers and fifteen kittens born two days apart. Do you remember your mother?

Jay: Not from when I was really little. But after that, I remember her very well.

Rose: Really? You know your mother? People are so strange.

Jay: Yes, cats and people really do a lot of things differently. But you know my mother.

Rose: Really! How could I know your mother?

Jay: She comes here sometimes. And once you went in the car to her house, on Orcas Island.

Rose: WHAT? Jackie is your mother! No. She’s too old to be anyone’s mother and you are too old to have a mother. Really? Do you have a sister?

Jay: I did have a sister. A long time ago.

Rose: Where is she now?

Jay: Not anywhere, really. She’s not alive anymore. I’ll try to explain it later. I don’t really understand it myself. Are you hungry?

Rose: Always. And I’d eat anything just to keep it from Molly. Did you do that with your sister?

Jay: Sure. That’s one way cats and people are alike.

Rose: But you don’t like fish. And Molly doesn’t like fish. So it’s no fun keeping it from Molly. One more question. Am I your cat?

Jay: Actually, not officially. You’re Jackie’s cat. She chose you and I chose Molly when you were in that Tupperware bucket with your sisters and brothers. But you both live with me because we think you cats would rather be together. Maybe someday you’ll live with Jackie.

Rose: TMI, Jay. I can’t think about all this. I need food. Then I need to play with Molly. We get so excited in the evening. That’s when we tear up the house.

Jay: That’s because you are crepuscular.

Rose: That’s enough, Jay, too much to think about. You look a lot better with your clothes on. Dinner. That’s what I understand. What I don’t understand is why you chose Molly.

Jay: I chose Molly because she seemed shy. I’ve always been shy and I thought we could help each other.

Rose: And Jackie chose me why?

Jay: Because you were sweet and very beautiful.

Rose: Molly and I look almost alike. You can’t always tell us apart.

Jay: That’s true. You are both beautiful, smart, funny cats.

Rose: Then why are you always telling us to get off the table, to stop turning over the water dishes, to stop taking the beautiful knobs off the desk drawer and hiding them under the bed. Didn’t we stop getting in the box springs so you couldn’t go to bed? Wasn’t that enough?

Jay: (Laughing.) You only stopped getting into the box springs because you couldn’t fit through the hole you made in the bottom. That doesn’t count for behaving. Behaving is when you stop doing something wrong because we ask you and you want to help.

Rose: I like it when you give us treats when we do what you say. Molly doesn’t like treats, so I get them all.

Jay: I’ll give you a treat if you stay out of the bathroom when I’m taking a shower. Now let’s find some dinner.

Rose: Good idea. Let’s have fish. I’ll help you and Molly clean your plates. I like to help.

Jay: Yes, Rose, thank you. And please stay out of the bathroom when I take a shower.