||| SUN DAYS ON ORCAS by EDEE KULPER |||


God, I believe in you because I want to.
I want to be there someday, wherever “there” is.
I’d love more proof and I doubt more than I ever used to. Is that part of adulting?
I know we’re all in constant revision, but gosh, there’s a lot of growing put upon us.
A lot of times, I can’t genuinely pray other people’s prayers or sing other people’s songs.
Some claim to know you as a father. Some claim to know you as a friend.
I can’t say I know you intimately and you know I have a hard time when other people say they do. Can some while others can’t?
Is it about fairness or do you reveal yourself differently to everyone, like fingerprints?
But if you are real, you know I want in.
If you’re all-encompassing love, you know I want to be part of that forever.
I’m trying my best to step out of all the flawed ways of imagining you that have been passed along to me by others.
But if you are real, no one truly knows how all this works. We’re all just trying to understand.
So please forgive me when I don’t get it.
Please help me know I am being guided, if you are guiding me as it says you are.
And if love is the reason for everything, please let love be more obvious than all the other stuff crowding around it.


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