||| MIDNIGHT MUTTERINGS by JACKIE BATES |||
Admittedly, English is my second language. Sort of. Southern English is a dialect, one widely considered inferior and sometimes (especially when unintended) pathetically comic. In my experience, Southern English is entirely satisfactory for receptive language, pretty much OK for written language, if you are familiar with the goodly number of celebrated Southern writers, and decidedly unsatisfactory for the spoken word.
My old friend Paul, birthed in California and long married to esteemed hematologist Becky, whose only handicap is that she speaks Southern English with the requisite accent, just as I do. Paul explained it this way: Why say “I’m going to take myself over there and get me a piece of that there cake. Want some?” when you can get the same amount of cake with half the words?
I didn’t have an answer for Paul thirty years ago and I don’t have one now. And that little story doesn’t have much to do with what I’m going to say here, except to plead guilty to using more words than necessary to eventually get to the point. And to acknowledge that I don’t have much room to criticize how other people speak. Even though that is what I’m fixing to do. (Sorry. Couldn’t help myself.)
When did we start snatching food? As in ‘grabbing lunch, a cup of coffee or a snack’? I suppose it is an expression from that long ago time, when people worked in public places, instead of in your coat closet with ZOOM on your laptop. A time when we could buy ready made food for a quick meal. But it still sounds less than civil to me. Can you imagine a teacher, for example, suggesting to a class of age-appropriately literal thinkers ‘that when both clock hands point to the 12, that we’ll head over to the lunchroom and grab lunch?’ No doubt the kids would love such an adult-sanctioned opportunity.
There are more grumpy examples, some of them grammatical. Example: ‘I haven’t seen him lately, but he grabbed a drink with George and I the other day.’ If George hadn’t been available, would he have grabbed a drink with I?’
Another favorite: The misuse of ‘Hopefully’ at the beginning of a sentence. As in: ‘Hopefully, the weather will be better tomorrow.’ The weather is hopeful? Ah, maybe it is.
Language changes. Word use changes. But so fast? So uncivilly? I won’t go on. I have to grab a snack and go for a walk to clear the cobwebs. In Southern English, those are spider webs. And they aren’t in our heads. Hopefully. Aw, maybe ‘hopefully’ has already changed when I wasn’t even through whining.
Would love to hear what expressions annoy you. Especially if they come from the paragraphs above.
OOOOOOHHHHH. This “I” is so pernicious. I was collecting letters of support for someone and received one from a prominent community member which was perfect, but with one glaring mistake: ” In my wife and I’s opinion, we….” How could they? Read it out loud. It just sounds wrong. The letters of support were to be sent to a judge, as well as to several politicians. I just couldn’t let it go. I spoke with the secretary of the writer and begged for a correction. I don’t know how she did it (forging the signature or making her boss aware of the mistake), but I received the corrected letter and sent it on. I never heard from the writer again. I still am conflicted about whether I was right to correct it. Opinions?
Ellie, that is soooooo last century when ‘thewifeni” was really only one person.
And don’t forget the ever present, “Me and George grabbed a drink today.”
LOL Jackie; My dad was from the south and I loved this. It made me laugh. He said ‘s-h-i-t in 5 syllables. It went something like, Sh eeee eeeee eeeeee yiiiiiii t! Which IMO makes the cuss word charming and not offensive at all.
I don’t get my undies in a bunch over misspellings (my dad didn’t even complete 5th grade because his dad died and he had to quit school to work and care for him mom and sister). I think “You’s” is charming.
I grew up a yank. We are a rude, curt people. “gimme a glass of water.” etc. Southerners are all about the manner. I hated when, at age 19, someone would call me “ma’am,’ when ‘Miss” would be a lot more polite – even if I did look to be a hundred to that 7 yr old boy. I’m gonna try not to use “hopefully” again in a sentence, haha.
Lin made me laugh with ‘thewifeeni’ – that may be my sole reason for remaining a spinster. Keep up your wonderfully entertaining and humorous writings, Jackie! I miss seeing your smile!