— from Tim Webster black man, father, veteran (USMC) —
My name is Tim Webster and I have lived on Orcas for 12 years. I am a Black man and known by many. People assume many things ( usually negative or violent) based on my skin color. It’s time to grow up America; and use these times as a learning opportunity. That being said, here are the details of my disrespectful and insensitive encounter.
I went to the dump last week and upon approaching the booth window, was asked, “ how are you?” I answered honestly, “Nervous, confused and angry. Black people are still being hung in this day and age.” Which was met with, “Don’t be so angry, you should smile more.” I responded,”I have a right to be angry and there’s nothing to smile about.” Upon my return from the scales, I apologized for upsetting her and said, “No matter what, I love you Human Lady.” She said, “I love you too,“ on the verge of tears.
I thought it had ended well. Incorrect assumption. Upon my return this past Thursday, as I went through the booth, as usual, I wasn’t asked about my current state of being. Instead, as I unloaded my trash I was approached by the young man (no mask) operating the back hoe. He said, “last time you were here you yelled at —— and made her cry.” Textbook presumptive positioning.
I responded, “ I didn’t yell at her and she probably cried because it was an emotional conversation.” Why are you approaching me like this if you were not part of the original conversation? You’re offending me and being very disrespectful to me as a Black Man. With what’s going on the world right now you need to check yourself.” His response was a smirk. I told him “Now I AM yelling. You’re not thinking about what you’re doing right now and continuing to disrespect me, you should go back to work and shut the F@#! up.” I then calmly unloaded my trash and proceeded to weigh and pay.
I asked booth lady what the young man’s name was and told her he had overstepped some boundaries. I reiterated what he had said and again the situation centered on HER emotions. She said ” You made me cry.” I said, “Good, you need to express your feelings. I at no time yelled at you” she replied “Well , you have a powerful voice.” I responded “and I will continue to have one until things change, your staff needs sensitivity training and you need to read White Fragility, it’s a real thing”.
I feel tokenized and projected upon. I should not be targeted or expected to do all the work for other races that don’t understand Black Power. It is outside civil norms to be approached in such a manner during these pivotal times. I feel it was more than the usual micro aggression in this case. Usual weapons to quell the overwhelming sense of discomfort that much of the white race is challenged with recently must change. How this was handled showed deficiency in emotional intelligence and cultural literacy. I vehemently urge training.
The future of this nation should no longer be built on the backs of the Black in the blood of the Red. Respect and recognize the history of this land. We have built this country, defended your rights and truths despite your actions towards us. Due diligence is the minimum requirement. Being white doesn’t equal qualified immunity. I demand a reformation of educational curriculum to include cultural studies that not only detail the customs and standards of other races, but highlight the atrocities thrust upon them by whites. Every culture should be aware of its FULL history, not just its victories and accomplishments. This shows who we WERE ,who we ARE and who we WILL BECOME.
Be the change that makes America what it has always claimed to be but never truly tried to become. Never forget what you’ve done to get to where you are now.
Reconstruction demanded.
**If you are reading theOrcasonian for free, thank your fellow islanders. If you would like to support theOrcasonian CLICK HERE to set your modestly-priced, voluntary subscription. Otherwise, no worries; we’re happy to share with you.**
Tim…I regret to say that we’ve not met and I can’t match a face to your name. Thanks for writing about your unpleasant experience; not an easy thing to do, but to me it’s a timely reminder that some potholes remain in the paradise we call Orcas Island.
Tim you were approached in a pleasant way,
the exchange should of been
“ And How are you ?
Tim, I am so sorry you have to keep proving who you are. You are much more than a skilled gardener or gifted handy person. Emmanuel Parish is fortunate in so many ways to have you on the staff. You are kind and considerate and the Orcas community is enriched that you live and work here.
Sadly, not surprising. Mr. Webster broke the unwritten, but heavily imposed societal contract that a Black man must present as quiet, meek and docile or will be processed as hostile and or dangerous. SNAFU.
Pierrette: WRONG. The first person’s response to his honest and simple response to her “how are you” should NOT have been, “don’t be so angry, you should smile more.” REALLY NOW.
Thank you for sharing your experience with such clarity. You make several good points. I hope to meet you sometime and chat.
Anger can be a dignity emotion, yet anger is not a primary emotion. Underneath anger lies deeper feelings such as feeling accused, disregarded, devalued, untrustworthy, misunderstood and more. To be told I “should”, or I “ought” doesn’t sit right with me either. Don’t ask me how I am if you aren’t prepared to hear my truthful answer.
Tim, when I first met you and pegged you for a military man, you taught this Army brat their is no such thing as a former Marine. You either are or you aren’t! You carry a tangible air of dignity, courage and honor. Thank you for your service. It is a terrible irony you have to use so much energy monitoring whether you are perceived as a threat.
Dear Tim — I’m sorry you’ve been through that and undoubtedly, much, much more. I’m sorry for the lady at the Exchange, who probably was unprepared to react to a real response to her routine question.
We whites need to learn, and it’s not fair to expect you to teach. As a white liberal, I thought we’d gotten past the worst of racism with Obama. Wrong. I appreciate the thoughtful leadership of the Black Lives Matter movement in recommending specific remedies.
This country is founded on ideals. If France changes governments, it’s still France. But if our Constitution fails, what are we?
It’s not fair to ask you and the few other people of color on Orcas to figure it out. Books can help. Darvill’s has “White Fragility.” Also recommend Howard Zinn’s “People’s History of the United States” and Charles Mann’s “1491” and “1493.” Or, fellow whites, for a real eye-opener, check out, “Uncle Tom’s Cabin,” written 1852, from the library. We have farther to go than we think.
Cultural Competency Education. This idea woke me up this morning reliving a number of experiences as a magnet high school kid in Los Angeles walking into my friend’s homes. Being a teenager, I was very self-conscious about “acting weird” in front of other people. I knew I did not know simple things, like how to tell who was happy or sad, whether food offered should be taken right off the bat, or how and when to show gratitude. I wanted very badly not to say something dumb or offensive. Fortunately the only thing at stake for me was my friends’ good opinions, not livelihood or safety. It would have been helpful to have some guidance. It stands to reason that in an increasingly diverse America, it is a good idea to equip our school children with awareness of the cultures they live amongst and at least some of the basic rules of politeness in as many as possible.
Tim, thanks for your courage in posting your experience. I’m sorry that you went through that.
If you’d like, I’d love your comments on my piece, here: https://theorcasonian.com/letter-to-editor-love-not-hate/
May love, not hate, prevail.
I’m sorry this happened to you Tim and I appreciate your enlightenment. Probably the thing that hit me hardest from your letter was “ Every culture should be aware of its FULL history, not just its victories and accomplishments.” I agree and remain surprised and disappointed when young people are asked random historical American history questions and have no clue the answer. (I’m certainly not a history major.) But I wonder if schools and parents couldn’t do a better job educating. And we citizens also have to do better educating ourselves as you aptly explain.
When the entitlement of ‘ ‘safety’ culture meets the seemingly immovable object of structural racism you’ve got problems.
Some fail to fully understand the realities of chattel slavery and indigenous appropriation and the tenacious half life of such repression.
There is no place far enough away to escape these sad realities, Interning is inter being…period.
Until we get our economics straight we will keep running into this wall.
Pierrette: Since you seem to think this is a forum for putting people’s thoughts and feeling into the words you wish for, let me help YOU. I think what you meant to say was; Tim, I am so sorry that our country is still so evil toward your community and I will do everything in my power to hold those who are racist accountable and make sure that Orcas Island is a place where you and your brothers and sisters are safe and free from racists. Tim, as a fellow human, I will be Anti-Racist and stand up for you and hold space for you when you are feeling unheard and angry.
It’s very custom for Americans to respond to “how are you?” with some generic answer that doesn’t capture their true emotions. Usually “good” comes out automatically. To speak the truth of your existence is authentic. Your reality is valid, you’re allowed to take up space, you’re allowed to be heard, and truly seen. It is not your responsibility to nurse white woman tears. The tears come because white people have yet to come to terms with their own history of violence against Black people. Yes, it’s uncomfortable but that’s because racism in America has been a comfortable experience for white people FOREVER. If we want true equality, it’s time to get uncomfortable with the past we have never truly come to terms with. And if you don’t want equality for all races, that’s a larger issue of you actually being a terrible human who needs to reevaluate your whole existence. Do NOT cry to a Black person about your complicity in their oppression; take responsibility and DO something about it!
Tim, thank you for sharing this insensitive encounter so other white people (including me) understand and respect what it’s like being a Black man in a mostly white community. The small and very important population of Black & brown people that live on Orcas deserve to be heard. It’s been a joy knowing you for the last 12 years! ~Kathryn
Thank you, Tim, for recounting and calling out the insensitive and disrespectful treatment you got for honestly saying how it feels to be black and see your brothers and sisters still being brutallized and murdered.
Unfortunately, the people who most need to read “White Fragility” don’t even know it’s a thing because if they did, they would not be blaming their misplaced rage and uncomfortable feelings on you. We white people need to know and face our full history – both collective and personal – and feel shame and outrage that we are still stealing land from First Nations and treating blacks as disposable targets. The sick entitlement of white privilege is nothing short of psychotic; history is still bearing that out. I’m so sorry you have to live with this every single day.