||| FROM DAN GOTTLIEB |||
Arctic Pie Surprise
Prep time: 4.7 billion years
Cook time: 260 years
Total time: 4,700,000,260 years
Ingredients:
- Oil companies (see our cartel recipe)
- Mining companies (yup, here too)
- Adulterated media outlets (ditto)
- One heaping cup of various corporate support entities with lobbyists–available under most slimy rocks
- Graft
- Two fistfuls of corrupt politicians
- One set of dead Kyoto protocols–you can substitute the Rio Accords
- Thirty gigatons of CO2 per year, or more, to taste
- Methane hydrates as an accelerator, careful not to use too much!
- Five-thousand dead polar bears HINT: Add other assorted wildlife for zip.
- A minimum of a million square kilometers of reduced reflectivity–Yum!
Directions:
- Preheat planet to 35 degrees K (plus or minus 2 degrees K)
- Ignore the concept of albedo
- Make dough from first six ingredients
- Mix in other ingredients, adding graft as necessary to enhance consistency
- Drop the dough around the planet, making sure to keep it cool
- Divide up the Arctic pie
- Drill, rape, and pillage the planet ignoring all morality and good sense
- Continue cooking planet at enhanced temperature to ensure the open wilderness
- Devour wilderness
- ENJOY!
Yield: Short term profits, enhanced non-linearity, and extinction of various species
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“U.S. Interior Secretary Doug Burgum announced the decision Thursday that paves the way for future lease sales within the [Arctic National Wildlife] Refuge’s 1.5 million-acre ( 631,309 hectare) coastal plain, an area that’s considered sacred by the Indigenous Gwich’in. The plan fulfills pledges made by President Donald Trump and congressional Republicans to reopen this portion of the refuge to possible development. Trump’s bill of tax breaks and spending cuts, passed during the summer, called for at least four lease sales within the refuge over a 10-year period. –NPR https://www.npr.org/2025/10/24/nx-s1-5584883/trump-alaska-wildlife-refuge-oil-gas-drilling
And, by the way, it’s not just Alaska….”The Department of the Interior announced a proposed rule to rescind [PDF] the BLM Public Lands Rule (also known as the Conservation and Landscape Health Rule), reverting the nation’s largest land agency to an unbalanced approach that unabashedly favors uses like drilling, mining and grazing. There will be a 60-day period for the public to submit comments about the proposed rule…Finalized in 2024, the BLM Public Lands Rule (also called the “Conservation and Landscape Health Rule”) marked an important change in how the federal government sees the responsibility of managing natural resources. The rule placed conservation and outdoor recreation on equal footing with uses like drilling, mining and grazing on the BLM’s 245-million-acre estate. This step provided direction for the balanced approach that was prescribed for the agency by Congress in 1976 but never fully followed in the years since (despite the agency’s “multiple-use” mandate, recently released data show that some 81% of BLM lands are open to oil and gas leasing, demonstrating the need for the rule). ” https://www.wilderness.org/articles/press-release/blm-public-lands-rule-rollback-proposal-announced-60-day-comment-period-follow Comments by Nov. 10 to https://www.regulations.gov/commenton/BLM-2025-0001-0001