Letter to Editor | A post-election apology

I used to be very outspoken and shared my perspective freely. However, I have been much more reserved since moving to Orcas. Maybe that is because I was teaching at a high school and thought I should maintain a more neutral presence. Maybe that is because most of the people I’ve made friends with here are very conservative, which is interesting considering my background and political views. Whatever the cause, I have stayed silent, and yesterday I felt very much that my silence had led to complicity. 

Those of you who knew Seattle Me know that there is no way in hell Seattle Me would have stayed quiet on Initiative 638. But I did. I did make sure to vote. I thought my vote would contribute to the overwhelming defeat of I-638. I was voting for a smackdown so severe that people would not try for that bullshit in Washington State again. 

I-638 passed, and now ALL girls wanting to participate in K-12 sports in Washington State either need to play on the boys’ team or subject themselves to a genital exam or a blood draw. This is truly horrible on many levels.

There are people who do not understand why requiring a genital exam is a big deal. Please read through the resources provided by the National Child Traumatic Stress Network (https://www.nctsn.org) to help gain some perspective on how this law is damaging to our children:

“Child sexual abuse is not rare. Retrospective research indicates that as many as 1 out of 4 girls and 1 out of 6 boys will experience some form of sexual abuse before the age of 18. However, because child sexual abuse is by its very nature secretive, many of these cases are never reported.”

“Children are most often sexually abused by someone they know and trust. Approximately three quarters of reported cases of child sexual abuse are committed by family members or other individuals who are considered part of the victim’s ‘circle of trust.’”

(https://www.nctsn.org/sites/default/files/resources/child_sexual_abuse_fact_sheet_parents_teachers_caregivers.pdf)

Please note that while the argument does exist, I am not making the claim that requiring genital exams from a physician will lead to more girls being sexually abused. I am claiming that this law inflicts more trauma on girls who have already been traumatized and we are not talking about just a handful of fringe cases.

I would like to reiterate “as many as 1 out of 4 girls will experience some form of sexual abuse before the age of 18”. There are approximately 110,000 to 118,000 K-12 female athletes in Washington State. If we assume 1 out of 4 of these female athletes have experienced some form of sexual abuse, then we have 27,500 to 29,500 female athletes who are already victims of sexual abuse. Let me be clear: having someone just sneak a peek at the genitals of a sexual abuse survivor is non-trivial. It is a big deal. It inflicts more pain and more trauma.

I am a sexual abuse survivor. Even now, after having children, the amount of energy it takes to dissociate myself through an OB-GYN experience drains me for a day or two. It does not matter that I now live in a safe space with trustworthy people who love me. The trauma is permanently embedded in my body and it cannot be therapied, or journaled, or positive-thought away. It is there. It will always be there. The best I can do is accept it and employ healthy coping mechanisms. Dissociation allows me to get through triggering experiences such as exams, but dissociation is very damaging both mentally and physically. Someone who has been eating an anti-inflammatory diet and who trained enough to be able to row 70 miles in open water in a single day should not have stage 2 hypertension. 

I despise open showers. I swim at the Athletic Club regularly but I will not shower until I get home. I bring my changing robe and either change underneath that or just wear it home. I will do the pre-swim rinse while wearing my bathing suit, but I still get very uncomfortable when someone else is using the open showers, especially if they are naked. I’m even more uncomfortable when the naked lady taking a shower gets chatty with me. To those who grew up taking group showers in locker rooms after PE, please know that practice can be harmful to sexual abuse survivors and no one should be forced to shower or be naked in a group setting.

I-638 is yet another example of how leaving our most vulnerable behind can hurt all of us. By attacking or disregarding a trans person’s right to exist, we, the people of Washington State will inflict even more pain and trauma on approximately 27,500 to 29,500 traumatized girls. 

Or they could just not compete. I could write an entire separate piece on the benefits of sports for trauma survivors and neurodivergents. The same argument would probably hold for the four or five trans girl athletes in Washington. In a society that attacks and condemns them, their sport was probably a rare space for peace and purpose, somewhere they could belong. And we have taken that away from them for what? Keeping penises out of locker rooms? Just give people a private space to change. It is that simple.

Yesterday, as my echo chamber was celebrating a “Blue Tsunami”, I was in a state of sadness and guilt. I should have said all this well before election day. Maybe it would have swayed some of my conservative friends. Maybe it would have gotten more people in my echo chamber out to the polls. I don’t know what effect my words have, but it is now clear that I need to come out of my cocoon and start trying again.

To my newly-found conservative friends here on the island, I hope we can continue to grow our shared interests and common ground even as I become more open, vocal and even forceful at times. Looking back on my experiences with Orcas Society these past few years, I believe if I find myself needing help, you will be among the first to show up. That is just the kind of folks you are, and I am lucky to know you. I also believe that even if our perspectives are vastly different, we can learn from each other and put that work towards building a less combative community that supports us all, including our most vulnerable. Dehumanization serves no one.