||| FROM STEPHEN TOBRINER |||
Frances Ann Boyd Zavala Tobriner
Frances was born in Bellingham, Washington, to Arthur J. Boyd and Helen F. Galvin on January 26, 1940. When her father returned from WWII the family couldn’t find a house in Bellingham so they lived in the suburb of Ferndale, where Frances had a horse and farm animals. This early childhood experience shaped her enduring love of animals and served as a palpable reminder of her father’s cowboy roots. Moving to Bellingham she attended Campus School, Fairhaven Middle School, and Bellingham High School, from which she graduated in 1958, as editor of the Bellingham High School yearbook, a Merit Scholar, and valedictorian.
Although accepted at Stanford, Frances chose Antioch College in Yellow Springs, Ohio, intrigued by its alternative educational philosophy and by the prospect of being placed by the College in a job in New York city, which Frances viewed as “the real world.” She graduated in psychology and did post-graduate work in early child development at the University of Iowa. Moving West with her husband Al Zavala (married in 1963), she enrolled in the Department of Clinical Psychology at UC Berkeley from which she received a Ph.D.
Frances loved being a mother. She delighted in raising her sons Michael (b1966) and Armando (b1969), watching them grow and learn, and even experimenting with her professional knowledge to make their childhoods as rich as possible. Divorced during her graduate studies, Frances was proud to be a single mother, supporting herself and raising her two children.
She met Stephen Tobriner in 1974 and they became partners. Much to their mothers’ relief they married in 1977. They remained a couple for 50 years, sharing their lives completely and fully, traveling the world, having a wonderful time despite significant challenges. Their joint tombstone will read: “They marveled at the beauty of the journey which took them to the end of their lives.”
Frances practiced psychology for more than forty years at the Psychotherapy Institute in Berkeley, Children’s Hospital, Oakland, and was the co-director of the Counseling Center at Mills College, while maintaining a private practice. She was accepted at the C G Jung Institute of San Francisco and became a Jungian Analyst. She was a gifted and creative therapist,
practical and mystical, using ritual, myth, art, humor and love to help her clients. Her deep spirituality also informed her sessions. She worked as an analyst until her retirement in 2013.
She taught seminars on Jungian concepts as well as the Enneagram and was particularly fond of classes she taught on archetypes in the cinema with fellow psychologist Patricia Littlewood on Orcas Island, Washington.
Frances was brilliant, excelling in the arts and academically. She had always been fascinated by architecture, so she taught herself how to design. Her projects embodied a quiet elegance and perfectly solved whatever architectural problem she confronted. She also loved to paint and produced some beautiful canvases.
Late in life she turned to haiku leaving behind a fine collection. She was also a gifted editor, helping her husband with his scholarly publications.
Frances always said she “surfed” Parkinson’s. Following her diagnosis in 1988 at the age of 48 she confronted Parkinson’s symptoms with creativity, discipline, and humor. She learned judo to master the art of falling. She fell thousands of times without injury. She exercised religiously running on sand, walking on trails, and running on a treadmill every day while taking tai chi and yoga classes.
When her voice faltered, she took singing classes, and helped found the PD Active Tremolos choir. She acquired and trained her Parkinson’s service dog Joy, her inseparable companion for thirteen years. She decided Parkinson’s required that she change her persona; she would transform herself from an introvert into an extrovert by learning hundreds of jokes.
When she fell in a busy crosswalk, causing frightened onlookers to dash to her assistance, she would thank them, and with the most charming smile and a glint in her eye ask, “and would you like to hear a joke?”
When, in the last years of her life dementia loomed, she often explained the phantoms she saw and openly giggled when she described them. She was adamant about controlling what pills she took and refused what she didn’t deem appropriate. When control was impossible and the demons too fierce, she decided to stop eating and drinking and died in peace on her own terms on July 18, 2024.
Just twelve days before her death she was beating her partners at bocce ball, which she was playing from her wheelchair. She was a truly remarkable woman.
She is survived by her husband, Stephen Tobriner, Professor Emeritus of Architectural History, Architecture Department, UC Berkeley, her sons Michael Z. Tobriner (Quynh Nguyen) and Armando C. Tobriner (Ann Cromley) and her brother Michael W. Boyd (Ritambhara Tyson) of Orcas Island, and nieces Kari Boyd Gardiner and Marthe Boyd Etling.
The family would like to thank Frances’ caregivers, Dr. Astrid Merino, Kimberly Mukhtar,Tsewang Dolma, Tenzin Desel, Ines Mejia, Blanca Ventura, Kalsang Dolma and the attentive staff at Chaparral House, Berkeley.
Donations can be made to PD Active, PO Box 9246, Berkeley, CA 94709. There will be an interment and memorial at Olga-Doe Bay Cemetery on Orcas Island, Washington, on September 7, 2024 at 2pm. In addition, there will be a Celebration of Life at the Berkeley City Club, 2315 Durant, Berkeley, California, on September 21, 2024 from 3pm-6pm.
