I’m Not the Church Lady | Karma and Grace walk into a bar…

Turns Out, They’re in Cahoots!

||| I’M NOT THE CHURCH LADY by ROSIE KUHN |||

Karma says, “I wish they’d stop making me the bad guy!” Grace replies, “Tell me about it. I wish they’d stop making me the good guy!” Well, there’s something to think about!

I don’t know about you, but I’ve spent a great deal of time refusing to take responsibility for how I showed up in my own life! I blamed others. I blamed my environment, my religion, and my culture. I blamed just about everybody else for me being me and for the life I was living.

I was well into my thirties when it finally dawned on me: “I’m the one making the same choices over and over again, expecting different outcomes. I’m the one living with my own thoughts, feelings, and beliefs—all of which leave me feeling anxious, bitter, alone, and depressed. Maybe I need to take some responsibility for what keeps showing up over and over again!”

Was Karma at play here?

Karma Is About Intention
Most of us in Western culture have come to believe that Karma is a system of rewards and punishments. You do something bad, and something bad happens to you. You do something good, and something good comes your way. But there’s a whole lot more to Karma than that! To keep it simple…

In Hindu and Buddhist traditions, Karma concerns intentional actions and their consequences. Although these traditions differ in their interpretations, Karma isn’t inherently malicious or punitive. It isn’t some cosmic bad guy waiting to whack us upside the head when we screw up.

Karma says: Our intentions influence our actions, and our actions contribute to what unfolds. Sometimes those contributions are expansive, loving, and life-affirming. Sometimes they’re contracting, fearful, and harmful. Either way, we’re participating.

How are we choosing to affect the world through our participation in it?

Sometimes the consequences of our actions feel like a two-by-four upside the head! It’s only then that we may wake up to how we’ve been participating in creating the circumstances of our lives. I know this place very well! But here’s the distinction I’m exploring: Karma isn’t necessarily about getting what we deserve. It’s about discovering what our participation makes possible.

Here’s One of My Favorite Examples of Karma
A person chooses to enter college to become an engineer. Their intention is to earn a degree and perhaps land the job of their dreams. Fulfilling that intention requires showing up for classes, studying, and participating in their own learning.

Now, suppose this student skips classes, ignores studying, and shows up unprepared for exams. They may not reap the rewards they originally intended to gain.

Is the university punishing them? Is Karma making them pay for their mistakes? Not necessarily! Their participation—or lack thereof—has contributed to the outcome. Of course, life isn’t always so straightforward. A student can do everything they’re supposed to do and still encounter circumstances beyond their control. But the principle remains: how we participate matters.

Our past actions may influence our present circumstances, but they don’t necessarily determine who we must become.

What happens when someone becomes aware of their behavior, takes responsibility, and begins relating differently to themselves and others? Are they changing their Karma? Or are they changing their relationship to the conditions they’ve created? Now we’re getting somewhere!

Christianity’s Version of Karma: You Reap What You Sow
Although Christianity doesn’t formally teach Karma as Hinduism and Buddhism do, it teaches that our actions have consequences. In Galatians 6:7, we read: “A man reaps what he sows.” If we sow kindness, generosity, and compassion, we cultivate conditions in which those qualities can flourish. If we sow anger, resentment, dishonesty, and cruelty, we create conditions in which suffering and conflict are more likely to arise.

Christianity generally understands this within the context of a personal relationship with God, rather than an impersonal moral law operating across lifetimes. And then Christianity introduces something I find particularly intriguing…Grace!

In traditional Christian theology, Grace is God’s freely given love and mercy, which cannot be earned through good behavior.

Having grown up Catholic, I’m familiar with the sacrament of Confession. I go into the confessional and acknowledge my wrongdoings to the priest. I express that I’m heartfully sorry, and receive absolution through the Grace of God. Genuine contrition includes an intention to turn away from wrongdoing and live differently. But here’s what interests me.

The Grace of absolution is there. We’ve been forgiven! So, now what?

Grace doesn’t eliminate the consequences of my actions. I can receive absolution and still have a whole lot of work to do! For example, someone who betrays a friend’s trust may receive forgiveness, but the relationship may still require years of rebuilding. The betrayal happened. The consequences remain. Yet something else becomes possible.

The past hasn’t changed. But my relationship to the past can change. And that brings me to another fascinating aspect of this exploration.

Is Suffering Punishment?
Oh, I love this one!

In John 9:1–3, Jesus encounters a man who was born blind. His disciples ask him: “Who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Think about that question!

The disciples assumed that someone’s wrongdoing must be responsible for this man’s condition.

But Jesus rejects their assumption. Neither the man nor his parents sinned to cause his blindness. Jesus challenges the belief that suffering is necessarily evidence of moral failure. He doesn’t suggest that God is punishing the man. Instead, he redirects attention toward what can happen now.

And I think there’s something profound here.

What if my circumstances aren’t necessarily rewards or punishments? What if they’re simply where I find myself? Then the question becomes: how do I choose to be in relationship with what is?

A person may spend decades living in fear, resentment, shame, or guilt. Then something happens. An awareness arrives. They recognize how they’ve been participating in their own suffering. They see something they couldn’t see before. Suddenly, a different way of being becomes possible. The past hasn’t changed. But their relationship to the past has.

Karma and Grace in Cahoots
My intention here isn’t to decide whether Hinduism, Buddhism, or Christianity has the correct understanding of Karma, Grace, or the human condition. Nor am I attempting a deep dive into theology. Thank God!

I’m only interested in exploring that in-between space, where we meet ourselves in our messiness and discover the possibility of acceptance, accountability and Grace in that messiness. For me, this is where I recover my capacity to be fully in relationship with Life.
What if Life isn’t rewarding or punishing me? What if Life is simply Life, and I’m continually growing my capacity to participate in it, with it?

To me, what matters most is how I relate to what’s happening in my life, and how that influences what becomes possible. And this brings us back to our two friends sitting at the bar. Karma isn’t the bad guy. Grace isn’t the good guy. They aren’t adversaries. They just play different roles in our relationship with Life.

Karma reminds me that my intentions and actions have consequences. Grace offers us the possibility of beginning again—clean slate! Neither encourages me to abandon accountability or remain imprisoned by my past choices. Both invite me to notice whether my actions align with my deepest intentions.

Am I living in alignment with what I know to be true for me? Or am I participating in ways that are fearful, self-serving, or disconnected from what matters most? And when I recognize the difference, what do I do? Do I punish myself? Shame myself? Decide that I deserve whatever suffering comes my way? Or do I take responsibility and allow myself the possibility of choosing differently?

The consequences of my actions are still present. Relationships I’ve damaged may need tending. Patterns I’ve established may still be operating. But Grace offers the possibility of beginning again without being defined by what I’ve done. Again, what I do with that possibility is up to me!

And perhaps that’s why these two old friends are sitting together at the bar, enjoying each other’s company while humanity carries on around them—arguing, suffering, celebrating, making mistakes, and generally being human!

And So, Here I am!

I cannot change the past. I cannot necessarily stop the consequences of what I’ve already done. But I can become present to this moment. I can acknowledge my mistakes without condemning myself. I can take responsibility without requiring guilt, shame, or punishment. I can receive Grace without assuming someone else will clean up my mess.

And I can begin again. And again. And again.

Easy!