Guest Opinion | What is ‘sport?’

||| FROM TENAR HALL |||

While we are debating the right of Trans People to exist as themselves in sports, we should ask ourselves, “What is Sport?”

To illustrate what Sport is to me, I’m going to share a speech I wrote years ago for my rowing team, Martha’s Moms (“Once a Mom, always a Mom!”). The Moms host an event they call Shenanigans, where all Moms, past and present, come together and celebrate their time on the team while current Moms feed and entertain the group. As a current Mom, I took part in silly skits, ate some fantastic food, and read my speech.

When I wrote this speech, I had a baby, a toddler, and my grandmother to care for. My father died when I was in my 20s, and he was my grandmother’s only child so ultimately the responsibility of her end-of-life care fell on me. That sort of thing is hard enough on its own, but doing it with two small children in tow was a special kind of awful. Instead of playdates and playgrounds, my poor children were dragged to cardiologists, neurologists, MRIs, and colonoscopies. I felt like a failure as a mother, overwhelmed and exhausted with all my obligations. I had precious little time and very few places where I could just exist as myself for myself.

Shenanigans Speech:

[Note: Aidan and Shane were our coaches, Claire was our coxswain, and Pati was one of my teammates. Throughout the speech I referenced stuff that happened in practice to get laughs out of them and my team.]

“My life is pretty turbulent lately. I am always super busy and can’t really remember the last time I had a break. That is just what stage I’m in right now. However, when people ask me ‘how do you stay sane?’, my answer is, ‘I row.’

When I row, I start the day with certainty. I’m certain I’m growing stronger and improving my skills under Aidan, Shane, and Claire’s guidance. Speaking of which:

Claire: Don’t my digging and scything average out to normal strokes?

Shane: I’m trying really hard to back dat blade up… I mean in.

 Aidan: Yeah.

When I row, I’m certain I’m where I belong.

Some days I’m filled with extreme joy and other days I’m overcome with worry and sadness. Regardless of what state I’m in, three times a week I begin the day with an obligation to my team. I owe it to them… Pati, sit up!… I owe it to them to clear my mind and keep my mind in the boat. Being forced to focus in this way is rather freeing. It allows me put the world on hold for a while. The quiet on the water can lead to just perfect mornings. In the boat, I can just be.

I want to thank all the Moms for giving me that feeling. Your encouragement and support is immeasurable.

I also want to thank all the former Moms for building such a wonderful legacy. Without you, I wouldn’t get to share this little home on the water with so many wonderful women.”

I have had many other spectacular experiences and adventures thanks to sports and their communities. I’ve surfed my rowing shell in the waves in six-foot seas with the Seattle Skyline as my nightlight. I’ve shot blue fireballs of bioluminescence off flaming oars training in East Sound. I’ve had the thrill of finishing the Gorge Downwind Champs race under nuking conditions. Crossing the finish line of Seventy48 after all the work I put into preparing was extremely empowering and paved the way to tremendous personal growth..

I would not have had these experiences without the support of the rowing and paddling community. More importantly, I would not have known that special feeling of community support that comes with sports if I had not been able to participate. Community support is exceptionally valuable to a person like me. 

I am Autistic with ADHD. My executive function and ability to verbally communicate are highly variable. Sometimes I present well, other times not so much. I have been praised for giving fantastic talks and clear lectures on complex material. I also have been overwhelmed to the point that I couldn’t answer basic questions. I make social mistakes that lead to closed doors and missed opportunities. I pace, stare-off, play drums on my legs, rock, sway, laugh at inappropriate times, look too bored, get too excited, and sing to myself without even realizing it.  I have been ostracized from groups and disowned by friends without ever knowing or understanding what I did wrong. Of all the challenges I face, finding somewhere to belong, where I can exist just as me, is the hardest to obtain.

Please think about what we are taking away from trans girls when we deny them the chance to participate in sports as themselves. Does so-called fairness in competition justify this loss?

Competition helps me find my limits and  work to push past them. I would not have endured boring, tedious time in the gym if I did not have competitive goals. One of these days I am going to give my Mentor-Friend a run for her money and I certainly would not have been on the water at 5:30 a.m. in the middle of February if I was not working towards the shared goals of my team!

I am not a top contender overall, but I have won a fair share of races in my age group and categories. Getting ribbons and medals at the end of races is nice, but I would happily hand all of mine over for the chance to celebrate with even just one more person and share that incredible feeling of Belonging in Our Community in Sport because I have a deep understanding of its value.