By Kyle Freeman, Orcas Island School District Principal, Elementary, OASIS and Middle Schools
As we all struggle to deal with the tragic events that took place today in Connecticut we would like to offer the following advice that has been shared with us about how to speak with your children and deal with this event in your home.
Our thoughts go out to the families affected and we hope for the quick recovery of those injured in the shooting. We are sending our thoughts of support and caring to each of you as you work to handle this tragic news. As parents, we all feel the pain of this loss.
Your child may need extra support as they hear of the incident through the media and listen to conversations in the community. The following are some tips for you in helping your children with their feelings and thoughts about this incident. It is important to keep in mind the age and emotional maturity of your children as you decide what to share.
- Limit your children’s exposure to the news.
- If they initiate a conversation, let them talk. Ask “What do you know about what happened?” and focus them back on the facts which have been substantiated.
- Discuss the events in concrete terms and without unnecessary information. Avoid creating mental images of frightening sights.
- Talk to your children about their feelings, and focus them back on the facts which have been substantiated.
- Maintain your normal family routine as much as possible. Children are accustomed to their schedule and too much upheaval will increase their anxiety.
- Reassure them that your family is safe. If they continue to be anxious, consider the following:
- Before bedtime, have them check the doors and windows with you.
- Give them a flash light or whistle to keep by their bedside.
- Ask them for ideas about how to keep the family safe. This may help them feel empowered.
- Your children may be clingier or be having problems sleeping. This is a normal response. Reassurance will help them to feel better. Plan on making more time to be together.
- Be watchful of noticeable changes in behavior over the next few weeks. Agitation, anger, and sadness can all be normal responses, and children may work to distance themselves from the situation. If your child or family has experienced a crisis in the past, news of an incident like this can trigger former anxiety. Call the your child’s pediatrician or other helping professional for resources to support your children. The school counselor will be available to provide support.
- Take care of yourself. Make sure you are receiving support from your adult family and friends. Your children take their lead from you. The better you are able to handle this news, the better your children will be able to manage it as well.
This message was sent out to all Orcas Island School District families and is posted on the OISD’s website: www.orcasislandschools.org.
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There was a great article in the NY Times, reminding parents to be sure to figure out what their kids do know and to realize that very young children are very self-absorbed and it may impact them less than it impacts you as the parent. In other words, don’t take care of YOUR need to talk by discussing the situation with a child who may know little or care little at this age.
Thank you for this well-thought and practical list of things that adults can do help our community’s children and youth absorb this tragedy, and empower themselves; thus keeping it about them and their feelings, (not us and our opinions), and keeping gentle discussion and listening focused on the children’s feelings, the facts, and including our children’s thoughts and ideas into the dialogue.