Breaking: Trump trials to be moved to Juvenile Court system

||| BY ADNIL YENNIK for THEORCASONIAN |||

In a breaking news move that promises to rock the United States court system for decades to come, the Supreme Court of the United States has ruled today, in a unanimous ruling — with no dissents whatsoever — that the criminal trials of once and former U.S. President Donald J. Trump be moved, en masse, to Juvenile Court. The ruling is expected to resolve any and all ongoing claims that Trump is an adult.

This decree is believed to be the first of its kind as the Court woke up on Monday morning to announce this unanimous realization. Each Justice seems to have reached the shocking (but not surprising) ruling independently, with some speculation that perhaps the Justices, or perhaps the entirety of the U.S. citizenry, has simply become “tired of the mishmosh,” loudly echoing the majority of voters in the country.

As the news spread throughout the worldwide media outlets, there was often a slight delay in the reporting as the news spread from the wires to the funny bones of reporters.

“OK. Get it together,” was the oft-heard refrain throughout international media outlets who swallowed their laughter in order to televise and/or stream the unusual, unprecedented announcement to listeners worldwide. Social media outlets around the globe were temporarily stymied from spreading the news due to an historically unprecedented volume of news reports and aghast commentary.

It should be noted that no juvenile court hearing can be filmed, videotaped, or otherwise recorded, so there will be no visual record for all of eternity, indicating, perhaps, that we may reasonably hope that the world eventually forgets this embarrassing era in U.S. history.