As the Paradigm Shifts | Stop working so hard at trying

||| AS THE PARADIGM SHIFTS by ROSIE KUHN |||

My Friend Joy
This morning I had the delight to hang with my friend Joy for an hour on the phone. Joy is a joy-bunny. Her work on Earth is to play and create. She would be on the cover of my book, Playing Like a Guru, if I were to ever write that book. Joy is light, beauty, exuberance, and love, all wrapped up into one being.

However, all that Joy is – light, beauty, exuberance, and love, lives within the armor of should, shouldn’t, worries and constraints. She has the wings of a butterfly yet is encased in a metal chrysalis.

At the magnificent age of 67, Joy is ready for what’s next. She has been working in the same job for eight years, and she is ready for what’s next. She is planning, or attempting to plan, where she will go from here.

Joy did a timeline of all her jobs and careers. She shares that what was most fun was that which came without planning. When she just allowed herself to not try so hard, amazing adventures showed up. Not adventures like canoeing down the Amazon River or doing some expedition in Africa. I mean the unfolding of the unexpected.

Garret
A client of mine, Garret, who is in his 50s, shared a similar theme a few months back. Garret is this beautiful being that feels pressure from the world to be something he isn’t. He worries that if he isn’t doing what he is “supposed to do,” then he will end up on the streets. He has another 10 years before he retires from a job that drains his entire being. And, as much as he wants to leave this job and do something that nourish his soul, he is scared!

Mandy
Another one of my very favorite people on the planet, Mandy, is slowly extricating herself from what she is afraid to lose: safety, security and stability. Like Joy and Garret, Mandy loves to be immersed in joy, beauty and fun. And like Joy and Garret, Mandy judges herself as foolish and frivolous to think she can have a life that isn’t constrained by the principle of “work hard and you will be rewarded.”

Rosie
Several years back I wrote a book called The Unholy Path of a Reluctant Adventurer. It’s autobiographical in nature. As I was writing this book, I saw the specific times that I was called to specific actions, people, and places. For instance, I experienced a clear calling to move to the Province of Nova Scotia. 10 years later, I was called to leave my job as a therapist to sail around the world. Two years later, I was called to do a Ph.D. in Transpersonal Psychology, studying Spiritual Guidance, then coaching, then moving to Orcas Island. That is a lot of Calls!

As I was writing about all of these episodes, I saw that the times that I followed these callings, it was my intuition that so strongly led me towards a road less traveled—that’s where my life filled with joy, love, beauty, exuberance and prosperity! I have no regrets in following these callings.

I listed those specific times where I made the choice to listen to something other than my intuition. When I didn’t listen to my intuition, and made choices that didn’t necessarily include any sense of Divine Intervention, the outcome did not provide me with joy, love, beauty, exuberance nor prosperity. In essence, in those moments I followed the shoulds, the pragmatic, the socially expected of our consensus reality. It was a choice made from a logical, mental orientation. And the bottom line of that story was: “WHAT WAS I THINKING?”

Sitting with these two lists of life experiences, guess which list I want to add to till the day I die? Yes, not the list of should’s!

It’s Never Too Late to Dream Big
So, this morning, as Joy reports that she made a list of all the jobs and careers she’s had in her life, trying to figure out where to go next. I asked, “What if what you are to do has nothing to do with careers and jobs? What if what’s yours to do doesn’t fit into the normal reality of life?”

You see, Joy is always trying to fit in, even though the truth is she isn’t meant to fit in! Truthfully, I believe none of us are never meant to fit in. We are meant to listen for that which will guide us into being the fullest expression of our essential nature. No one else has ever, ever, ever done what we have come here to do. So, truthfully, we are never meant to fit in. Not one of us!

Joseph Campbell says something like, if there is a path in front of you, it’ not yours! Yep. Your path is your path, and it’s unfolding one step at a time. Few of us have it all laid out before us. Even when we do, that path always takes a turn, or bifurcates into two or three paths. Choices arise, and life now becomes an adventure!

In my most favorite book ever, Oneness by Rasha, Chapter 31 talks about how we as children, dream with full potentiality, until we begin to put limitations and parameters on what is “reasonable” to dream. Then we live into the dreams we think we should dream and what we think is possible. In doing so, we put all sorts of limitations on what is possible. “I’m too young, I’m too old, I’m a woman, I’m weird, I’m uneducated, I have children, I’m lazy, I procrastinate, I haven’t any money….”

Over the years I’ve been training myself to let go of limiting my dreams by what I perceive as real. I’m training myself to return to the innocent dreamer who has not one, single constraint in the way of realizing who I am in my fullest potential. This is the arena within which I’m working really hard. I put in a lot of discipline because I’m committed to learning how to live beyond the constraints of what I thought was reality.

Joy, Garret, and Mandy are on that path, too. Even though they are living in different decades of life, each is training themselves to listen for their heart’s desire. They are training themselves to feel into the resonance of their intuition. They each have experienced Callings in their lives and have followed those callings.

However, to make a career out of living that way feels daunting. And, yet, it is where their truth lies. They know that. And, they are still unsure if they can choose this way of life. Living with uncertainty kills the dreamer. The innocent child within us has no uncertainty! Even though I know this, I am sometimes hobbled by uncertainty.

Patricia, age 91, when asked if she was done dreaming, exclaimed, “Hell No! There are so many things I dream of doing. I would love to go back to school—there’s so much more to learn.”

Regardless of our age, each of us has the capacity to dream, to dream without limitations, and to perhaps incrementally take steps to bring those dreams into fruition. There is no age limit. We just have to be willing to stop working so hard at trying.

The trying comes from our attachment to being safe, secure, and stable every moment of our lives. Trying means that we are attached to knowing how things will turn out before we even begin. Trying is lying, as a very wise person once told me. What does that mean?

When I’m trying, I’m lying to myself regarding the degree to which I want to truly live into love, beauty, exuberance, play, and prosperity. I continually attend to where and how I’m working hard at trying and attempting to control the outcome. And when I realize it’s not working, I then return to training myself to let go of what I’m afraid to lose. (By the way, Yoda said this in Star Wars.)

When we stop working so hard at trying, something else shows up. This doesn’t mean that what shows up isn’t going to challenge us. It means that the adventure that arises is met with a little more openness, a little more curiosity, and a little more courage to maybe think or dream differently.

I say, take advantage of every moment we have on Earth. For me, there is so much to be curious about. This is a very fascinating place to be, if we just stop working so hard at trying! I would love to hear your comments, questions and feedback. 
 
If you’d like more of Dr. Rosie, check out her website: www.theparadigmshifts.com. You’ll find blogs, books, videos, podcasts, paintings and more. And her books are available through Darvill’s. She is available as a thinking partner and coach.