Orcas Islanders join together to link arms for Ukraine

||| BY STAFF REPORTER SHIN BREEM |||

Orcas gun owners and gun control advocates shared vegan BBQ while celebrating their successful combined campaign to help arm the Ukrainian army as more than 5,000 donated guns and 75,000 donated rounds of ammunition have been collected so far at multiple drop-off debris dumpsters across Orcas Island. The weapons soon will be exported to Poland and then trucked to Ukrainian border depots, although it is not known how many Poles will be needed to accomplish this final step. 

“This is truly a win win win situation,” said one local political party activist, “all of us finally appreciate the true meaning of the fourth amendment.” Another person dropping off several military-style weapons was enjoying the vegan BBQ and stayed to help out: “There’s a lot of stereotypes out there and just because I think the government’s a threat doesn’t mean I can’t lend an arm when needed.”

Event organizers say they were inspired by World War Two-era programs to collect binoculars to send for British use on lend-lease convoys sailing the Atlantic among deadly German submarines. “That’s a quaint example, but sending guns and ammo really kicks it up a notch,” said a participant.  “These guns need to be in the hands of people who know what they’re doing,” riddled another donor with a wink, “if guns aren’t used for a good cause, what use is the good they cause?” 

Military veterans on hand nodded approvingly as the hired dumpsters filled up with handguns and long guns, automatics and semi-automatics, shotguns, bandoliers, magazines, and silencers. “If you bring a cannon on stage, fire it, somebody once said,” quipped the next donor, heaving the heavy barrel into the bin, “After seeing those images on Twitter, I realize I don’t need this anymore.”

Another lady in line agreed. “I thought I was targeted for my identity, but now I see I was only self-absorbed. Maybe this Walther will save the world, really, I mean really, I’m not kidding, no joke, this is one of the happiest days of my life.” Children also were observed dropping weapons in the dumpster, said one, “when you think about it, they need this more than we do.”

The vegan BBQ was followed by a community folk dance in which over 500 participants raised their arms on the Village Green. “Guns for a good cause and no more face masks, how better to renew unity?” was what everyone was thinking, eyeing smiles and linking trigger fingers again at long last.

Organizers claimed federal and state tax credits were available for donations and said ATF Form 9s for all exports have been approved. Donations will be accepted until April 1.

Although comments will not be solicited at this time (these Orcas Day Trippers are aware that soliciting comments from the public always makes a project more complicated), funds are needed, of course.