— by Ted Grossman —
The Tobriners
Bang!
Was the sound as Frances Tobriner tumbled from the kitchen table to the floor one summer day on Orcas Island. “Bang” again when Frances was serving food to her friends. But this woman who was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease in 1988, 25 years ago, refuses to give up her determination to live a full life.
Many with Parkinson’s throughout the world have surrendered to the disease and restricted their lives. But that wasn’t Frances’s response. When she fell, she gathered herself together, got up smiling, and remarked that she had taken a class on how to fall. Parkinson’s would always be present in her life, but not define it.
One source of Frances’s strength has been her interest in spiritual life. She has studied the teachings of Buddhism, Hinduism, and Esoteric Christianity. All stress the importance of being in the moment, a practice that Parkinson’s demands as well. Art has always been important to Frances. She designed the cabin she and her husband built on Orcas as well as other architectural projects.
Most recently she has made a set of cards with her pictures and haiku that express her relationship to life. Pat Littlewood, a friend and fellow Psychologist said, “She is an amazing artist.” Frances retired in 2012 from her career as a Clinical Psychologist and Jungian analyst in Berkeley, California. She has come to Orcas every summer since she was five years old. Because of their shared interest in symbolism, she and Pat taught a course on Jungian archetypes and the cinema every summer on Orcas for eight years.
But whenever Frances is asked about her achievements and her courage, she backs away, as if to say that somebody else deserves the credit, not her. And who are those at the top of her list? One is her husband Stephen, a friendly and cheerful guy with a smile that never disappears. And let’s also not forget France’s beautiful and extraordinary service dog, Joy.
This remarkable animal can turn the water on and off, open and shut doors, but most importantly, can brace so Frances can put her weight on Joy’s shoulders in order to get up when she falls. No wonder that Frances has accomplished so much. But the biggest applause of all belongs to Frances herself. She would never surrender to Parkinson’s no matter how many times she fell, and no matter how painful the falls. Frances is determined to live a full life with hopes that her determination will encourage others to do so as well.
Ted Grossman is the former editor of The Sounder and the leader of Orcas Parkinson’s Disease Support Group.
Enjoyed the article, and loved Ted Grossman’s using his enormous talents to write it!
Thank you so much, Ted. Keep writing.
Thanks, Ted…you write so well, and sharing this story warms my heart and inspires me….as you do, joining us at Joyce’s water aerobics..always smiling. Koszonom, Ted.
Great to know more of Frances’ story. When I met her a year or two ago, she said she was an introvert who responded to PD by becoming an extrovert. That story–and her visible determination–helps me every time I’m tempted to do otherwise.