Is This As Good As It Gets?

— from Rosie Kuhn —

We expect that as we age we will decline in every way possible. We say, “this is the way it is supposed to be,” then we blindly walk down the path of decline. But if this is true, that this is the way its supposed to be, why do some people actually thrive as they age? What’s with that?

I sometimes see beautiful antique cars on the road and wonder how it is that those things still run. Somebody takes really good care of them – that’s how. Someone dotes and primps on their well-oiled machine, in order to keep it that way. I admire those people for their dream, their love, and their passion for their automobile.

Our bodies are much like those cars. I think that most of us have a lot more miles available – especially since so many of our parts can be replaced. If our machines are running well, it doesn’t take a lot of fine tuning to keep them that way. So what keeps us in the mindset of allowing ourselves to rust out, as it were, and end up in the junk yard? Yuck, that isn’t a happy thought, is it?

I look at my 2002 Toyota Prius, and generally I see what I want to see. I don’t want to see that the brakes are going, the engine is leaking, the paint is fading. I don’t want to think about the fact that this car may die on me, and so I turn the volume up on my car stereo and drown out noise that interfere with my attempt to pretend this car will go on forever.

I’m smart enough to know that ignoring the aging process of my vehicle will not help prolong its life. In my ignorance I contribute to its demise. I’m wanting a miracle to keep my car running for a while longer, until I know what to do and how to do it – regarding either buying a newer vehicle, or fixing this one. While I’m stalling, my car is getting closer to stalling, too.

Presumptions and Preferences
Rather than being in denial, or ignoring the signs of aging of cars or bodies, we have to do some investigation into what we expect, anticipate, and assume will happen, and with deductive reasoning, observe what path our expectations takes us down. Are we victims of aging, or are we victims of our presumptions and our preferences to ignore and deny what is? Our presumption and our preferences set the stage for our experiences. Our experiences reinforces our presumptions, which cultivates ruts, and now we are not only victims to aging, we are victims to our ruts.

I can’t get out of my rut – another presumption
You may like your rut. It’s comfortable, and change and the fear of loss that accompanies change, isn’t required. The only thing required is the willingness to accept that within your rut, this is as good as it gets. This isn’t necessarily true, its just the truth we prefer to live by and die by. In essence we prefer it to be this way and so it is.

A few weeks ago, it was almost as if someone flipped the switch, my fingers and knee joints began to hurt. “Ah, this is it,” I decided. “This is the beginning of a life with arthritis. I won’t be able to walk with Gracie. I’ll have to give up my imagined life free of pain.” The worries and angst began to take up my day. Then, a very healthy and wise friend asked me – has your diet changed recently? I said yes, then shared with her what I was eating. She said that what I was eating was causing the inflammation, which was causing the stiffness, which was causing the pain. “Stop eating that and you’ll probably see a huge difference in your body.” She was right. In a matter of days, the pain is gone. It’s a miracle.

Truthfully, the only miracle here is that I chose to stop eating something that I enjoy. I stopped eating something that was causing me pain. I stopped preferring tastes over my well-being. That’s not a miracle, that’s just smart, eh?

I’m as likely to travel down the well-worn path of presumptions that aging sucks and things will only go from bad to worse, after all, I’m just a human being like everyone else. I, too prefer to cling to the remnants of a life raft that takes me down the river of worry and fear, than to think differently, with nothing to hang on to but my faith in the potentiality of life itself.

Sometimes, to save ourselves we have to jump ship and swim for our lives. Swimming for our lives is an act of will and commitment – commitment to what? It’s the commitment to noticing and observing how we willingly and actively participate in living a life that is fulfilling, and how we actively and willingly participate in just getting by, suffering, settling, and surviving.

I don’t know one single person who says “Hey, I’m happy suffering and surviving.” Do you? It’s just a matter of preferences, that’s all.

Choosing Your Preferences
The truth is, there is no better or worse frame of reference – it is only a matter of what you choose. A particular practice I find useful is to look at a particular frame of reference – let’s says that frame of reference is Aging Sucks. Now I ask myself: What’s it like being within this thought that aging sucks? I notice and list what it’s like: I’m more likely to complain, feel like a victim, be more aware of aches, pains, and symptoms of aging, and I begin to feel depressed, sad, lonely, and powerless. I see that I’m suffering, settling, and surviving. Is this what I prefer to focus on?

If I choose to try on a different frame of reference, let’s say, “I’m ageless and my body is in great shape,” I begin to look at my reality differently. I’m empowered to make choices that support my preference for the life I want to live. I don’t have to live in the assumption that I am a victim to aging, or that I’m a victim to life for that matter. I can choose to willingly participate in creating the life I want to the best of my ability.

What I want for each individual on the planet is to experience the fulfillment of their human-spirit. Through aging and experience we cultivate the awareness that all of us already have the capacity to empower ourselves to make that happen, and most importantly, to be responsible for making that happen.

Like restoring an aging automobile, all that is required is the vision and commitment to see that there is beauty, vitality, and resilience within us, and that we are worthy of the love and care required to keep us shiny.

As the owners of our vehicles, we have opportunities to experience the full potentiality for life, regardless of our age. And, truth is, we can experience life and all its glory parked in one setting, as much so as experiencing it out on the open road. It’s all a matter of preference; it’s all a matter of choice.

If you’d like to join Dr. Rosie in the “AGING – Who Me?” in-person discussions at the Orcas Island Senior Center, they are meeting this coming Tuesday – May 23, from 10 – 11:30 a.m. If you’d like to read more from Dr. Rosie, visit her website www.theparadigmshifts.com, where you will find blogs, videos and her books. Or, if you’d like to set up a session, feel free to call her at 360-376-4323.