If the Trump administration ran a service organization on Orcas Island

Letter from management and (part of the) board to our valued members

||| BY DAN GOTTLIEB |||

As part of our ongoing commitment to dehumanize our employees and pump more nonsense out to our (hopefully ignorant) island neighbors, management (with partial Board approval—the rest of you don’t matter) have decided to sling more BS out to the community in another vain attempt to cover our ongoing incompetence, duplicity, and fiscal stupidity. We do this because, frankly, things have not been going well–but of course you don’t know that. We’ve become good at hiding our tome of mistakes–because we seek nothing from the members besides uninformed approval for our despicable activities.

As you may, or may not (we hope) know, our employees have a group that represents them whenever management attacks, assaults, insults, degrades, disenfranchises, lies, abuses or otherwise furthers the interest of management’s ego–at the expense of our employee’s self-respect and your purse. Also, as you may, or may not know, our sky-rocketing rates are the direct result of bad management and idiotic decisions that ignores both best practice and the input of our operational experts.

And if you think it’s bad now wait a year or two. Have we got a surprise for you! That said, we want to repeat, that under no circumstance does management support attempts to combat the abuse our employees face from us on a daily basis. We have an entire legal team of proof.

Respect, in any form is not in our management philosophy.

Further, we the management, feel that reducing our employees to cattle in a degrading work/life environment is in the best interests of you, our members. Besides, you’ve been buying our BS for so long WCGW?

Our employees are hardworking, committed, self-effacing professionals. Or to put it another way—in our view–they are suckers committed to excellence and public service. We say this secure in the notion that you don’t care. Or if you do, you’ll have no idea how to find out the truth about the nightmare of our organization and change it.

After all, you have no notion of how evil our management technique is. We feel we can raise your costs by refusing to do recommended maintenance, using patchwork repairs rather than solving the root causes of our problems, attacking employees, abusing contractors, and alienating our partners—while at the same time blaming our people for mistakes they had no control over—thereby allowing us to further our economic circumstance at your expense—secure in the notion you will not care.

Management also feels sure that so long as you are kept in the dark, and we have a credible way to hide our mistakes by blaming our employees, we will continue to garner your support for our abusive and possibly illegal activities. Staying solvent is a tough nut to crack in these tough economic times and we are sure our neighbors here on this beautiful island will support deceit and duplicity once our island-neighbors understand we serve us, not you.

Trust us, your rates will continue to rise as we fund inane projects that do nothing but allow us to expand our kingdom.

And we want you to know that no matter what—the expertise our employees have worked so hard to acquire will continue to be co-opted (while we degrade them as people), regardless of any humanizing activities. All this will be done in a way that makes management look good and employees look like nothing more than dumb-tools not worthy of your respect.

So, neighbors of our beautiful island, I believe we can now all agree that nothing matters more than a profitable dehumanizing environment fostered by incompetent management that has little or no knowledge of operational issues or the impacts of flawed operational decisions will have on the safety of our services going into the future–so long as we, your management, benefits.

I’m so glad we had this time to neighbor with each other. Now shut up and go pay your bill.

With All Due Respect—Your Management Team