||| FROM RAMI AMARO |||
As I sit here this morning, on a rather gray and dreary day, my heart is broken. As any mother knows, your heart breaks when your child is being treated unfairly. That is exactly what is causing me pain today.
My youngest son, Ethan, has the biggest heart I’ve ever known. Lots of folks say he learned that from me, but I know I’ve learned more from his heart than he has from mine. His heart has, from birth, been the most compassionate one I’ve ever known, despite his overcoming adversity from the very moment his life was created. He was created by biological parents who did not have a long-term relationship, much less the desire to raise a child together. From those parents, specifically his biological mother, he inherited severe anxiety. Ironically, it was his biological mother’s anxiety that saved his life, as she was so anxious that she couldn’t leave her house at all, much less for an abortion. So, what has been his curse was also his blessing.
His anxiety has been debilitating. If you have ever had anxiety, or a panic attack, you will understand. Imagine feeling that way 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. When he was younger it was so severe that he would simply freeze. He couldn’t talk, or move or think, and could barely breathe. As his adoptive family, we have circled him with love, and done everything in our power to help him to be able to live in a functional way with his anxiety (it is not something that you can “cure,” you just learn to manage it).
We’ve gotten him therapy. We’ve gotten him medication. We’ve read books and taken courses. But most importantly, we’ve pushed him to expand his comfort zone. Together, as a family, we’ve held him up while he’s ever so slowly moved forward.
Today, some seventeen years after we brought him home, he is a high school senior, accepted to over twenty colleges, preparing to spread his wings and fly. He plans to study forensic science, and to work in the FBI’s forensic laboratory. There he hopes to assist to investigate and solve crimes, but, more importantly, to help ensure that guilt or innocence is determined through a fair and accurate process. If you have looked at the price of college today, you know that it is insane. A state college is running over $30,000 a year and private or out of state colleges are running $50,000 to $75,000 a year. As only about a dozen colleges offer his degree, and all are out of state and/or private, he has been applying for every scholarship under the sun to help pay for college.
One of the scholarships that he has applied for is called the San Juan Island Service Scholarship (“SJISS”). It is currently controlled entirely by a four-person board – one President and three board members. The scholarship itself is guaranteed – meaning that it is not a competitive process and it is not limited to only a certain number of applicants. The sole requirement to receive the scholarship (at least until about a month ago when the rules and website were extensively revised) is to contribute 80 hours of community service to at least three local non-profits between 8th grade and 12th grade (including at least 3 hours for the SJISS itself). If service was offered through a different avenue than a non-profit, the board had the ability to approve it regardless – and has fairly generously done so in the past. Obviously, the applicant has to prove he or she actually did the work – by filling out logs that must be signed by an adult other than the child’s parents. About a month ago the rules were tightened, and the website totally revised – but the general focus seems to be that the hours are performed only through one of the “approved non-profits.”
My understanding of how the scholarship board has acted in the past, is based on talking to one of the founding members of the scholarship, as well as prior board members and recipients. It seems that the approval of hours has been fairly lenient, provided the child’s service benefited a non-related person/entity locally, and provided the child could prove that they actually did the service. But historically it does not seem to have been tightly restricted to service only through a non-profit or via a strict process. That method fit within the purpose of the scholarship, which is to teach children about community service and hopefully make them lifelong volunteers,
My son has been involved in community service and volunteering since elementary school. He used to go with me to serve food at the community shelter. He worked beside me when we would help victims of domestic violence move to and set up new, safe homes. He was with me when we would provide free transportation to children needing to travel from North Idaho to Children’s Hospital to get lifesaving care. He was the one feeding stray dogs in Mexico, and helping his sister when she was volunteering at
Honduras orphanages and the national zoo in Nicaragua. He’s also been there for his friends. Showing up in court to support a friend at the trial of their parent. Helping another friend find a solution to an embarrassing medical problem. Including everyone in invitations to his parties, which made one mother cry as her child had never before been invited to a social event until Ethan invited him. He’s given advice to friends about staying off drugs, about dealing with abuse, and about social dilemmas. He’s there for every friend every time.
So, applying for the SJISS scholarship was only natural. He had plenty of volunteer hours – over 800 in fact – all on island and all since 8th grade. His island service started at Aurora Farms, where he volunteered to bottle feed a bum lamb to save its life. He would go there before and after school, as well as after dinner, and did so for many weeks. He then participated in the annual beach cleanup, volunteered at PADS, volunteered at the library and at Island Rec. He ran the Snack Shack and helped prepare the game fields through the FHBASA. All of this was just a natural part of who he is.
In 8th grade, he came up with the idea of creating gift bags for all of his teachers. That project took on a life of its own and has become the Annual Teacher & Staff Gift Bag Project. Ethan works on it every year, and last year they created 200 gift bags. Every year when those bags are dropped off, there are smiles, hugs and even tears of joy – and it all stemmed from this one giant heart. Ethan also decided, when we had some extra logs, to start the Annual Free Firewood Project. He’s been doing that for five years as
well. The first year only two families got wood, but the last year seventeen families were provided a cord or more of firewood – split and delivered. Ethan also cut and split a cord of wood for the library auction (twice) and for the FHAA auction. He provided wood to several persons referred by the Presbyterian Church, by the FRC and by the Senior Center. He has provided wood to a local veteran every year, as well as to a local cancer patient. Finally, every year he coordinates the “adopt a family project” and we as a family adopt 2-4 other local families and collect gifts, Ethan wraps them, and helps deliver them. He typically spends over $150 of his own money on the gifts, and has donated as much of his own money to various local charities.
So, when Ethan applied for the SJISS scholarship, he never, in a million years, thought that he would be told that he didn’t have 80 hours. Right off the bat, the board told him that none of his Teacher Gift Bag, Free Firewood, or Adopt a Family work could count. Thus, he went through all his hours, and found 105 that met the requirements undoubtedly. Some of that included, for instance, cutting wood for non-profit referrals. The library verified the wood for their auction and signed his log. The FHAA did the same. The Legion verified the wood to the veteran (a Purple Heart and Bronze Star recipient). The church verified the wood to their parishioners. The cancer center did the same for the cancer patient. Together with the hours on the library book sale and youth events, the hours to Island Rec. for youth events, the beach cleanup, the hours at PADS, and the work for the FHBASA, the hours added up to 105. Those hours did not include all of the wood Ethan cut for individuals directly (for free), the adopt a family work, the teacher gift bags (totaling about 625 hours), or his community project and 4H volunteer hours (totaling about 85 hours).
Yet, the Board continues to insist that his hours are insufficient. In fact, of the hours that really cannot be questioned – they have gone through them with a fine tooth comb, and have called about every hour. And they have not just called and said, ”hey, did Ethan do work for you guys, and did you sign his log?” (to ensure the signature wasn’t forged). Instead, they have called and asked each log signer to go through every entry in detail and compare it to their records to verify it. I don’t have an issue with this type of scrutiny, but I am confident that the Board is not giving this level of scrutiny to every applicant. Nor have past boards engaged in this level of scrutiny. The fact that the board refuses to accept the bulk of his service hours, and then uses FBI level scrutiny on the remainder, is highly concerning. This has made me reach the conclusion that my son is being treated differently simply because the president of the board was involved in a very heated litigation with our family a few years ago.
It makes me physically ill that someone would stoop to that level and single out my son in that way, and I don’t want to believe that it is happening, but I just can find no other explanation for what is happening. The very reason the scholarship exists is to create adults who participate in community service. With that goal, why the Board does not want to recognize independent volunteerism is baffling.
A kid who goes out and creates his own volunteer projects becomes an adult who sees a need and fills it. Those are the kids who hold the door open for the single parent laden with kids and grocery bags. Who shovel the snow from the widower’s walkway. Who mow the disabled veteran’s yard. Who rebuild the disabled teen’s wheelchair ramp. Who give of themselves freely and generously and without needing anyone to tell them when, where and how to do it.
If my son was only focused on the scholarship money, he would have done 80 easy hours making photocopies at the school, and then called it quits. But his service has never been about this scholarship. It has been about his belief, and our family’s belief that “we are called to love.” Last night when I was up at 2 AM looking through old calendars to try to find additional hours (he is up against a tight deadline now to get an additional 25-55 hours before the deadline – we are not sure which as the communication
from SJISS has been confusing), I found myself feeling like the board was not focused on loving others. This morning, when my son headed out to volunteer to prepare the baseball fields for the season, I saw his sense of dejection and sadness. I felt his sense of impossibility. He told me, “Mom, I feel like just giving up. I feel like this is a losing battle. Like I am trying to walk up a down escalator. I feel like it won’t matter if I do get 55 more volunteer hours in the next two weeks before the deadline, because they will
just find a reason to deny the hours.” And that BROKE MY HEART.
So, as my son keeps putting in hours, while attending high school and college (through running start), while he tries to fit that in while trying to pick a college, and apply for other scholarships, and help on the farm, I will keep fighting for him against what I see as wrong. It’s not necessarily about the money (which he certainly needs for college) as much as it is about the principle.
I am asking that this community show my son some love, as he has done for this community. If you received a gift bag from his gift bag project, or wood from his firewood project, or if you referred someone who received wood from his project, or if you or someone you referred had a better Christmas because of him. Or if your non-profit was the recipient of his work or donation. Or if your child was supported by him. PLEASE email the SJISS Board at sjisevicescholarship@gmail.com. If you know any of the board members personally, call them or visit them and let them know how you were benefited by Ethan. The board members are: Tanya Williamson; Jennifer Herda; Deanne Eltinge, and Missy Martin.
* I do want to note that we tried to attend the SJISS board meeting to present this, but were not provided access. My son and I have also asked the board members to call us to discuss on the phone (or we could go in person), but we have been unable to do that. The SJISS itself has no phone number to call or office to visit. Thus, all of our communication has been by email, and often there is a long lag between our email and their response. I realize, of course, that they themselves are volunteers and thus limited on time. But that only makes it all much more concerning as to why they are finding time to pick through Ethan’s hours in the manner in which they are, but not have time to speak with him, meet with him, or timely respond to him.
