Flotsam & Jetsam | Dancing with Wolves

— from Maurice Austin —

Recently, Rep. Joel Kretz [R-Wauconda] introduced House Bill 1639, which would establish Bainbridge Island as the re-location site for problematic eastern Washington wolves. This is a practical if narrow-minded solution to increasing wolf predation statewide.

Inasmuch as the state’s wolf population may be as high as 200 individuals, and the eastern Washington ranching operations primarily at risk of wolf predation, it makes sense to relocate problematic wolves to western Washington, where their prey will be slower and more numerous.

But establishing a wolf pack on Bainbridge Island alone is perhaps short-sighted; what is needed is a stable population archipelago-wide—on Whidbey, Shaw, Lopez, Sinclair, San Juan, Orcas, Cypress, Lummi, Stuart, &c.

Orcas Island has recently been subject to visits not just from a pair of elk, but also from a bear, who lived the high life at the expense of local barbeque drip-trays and bird-feeders. A pair or more of wolves might just help keep such marauding visitors at bay—as well as check the local deer population. The deer here, by the way, are eating my rosemary and lavender. Rosemary?! Lavender!? What, like the entire hydrangea wasn’t enough?

A couple of fertile wolves would also help tighten up the lost-dog and lost-cat pages on Orcas Island Buy/Sell/Trade, as well as winnow down the number of unprepared bicyclists making the trek from the ferry landing to Eastsound.

Kretz is rather overly gracious, however, in offering something for nothing. We’re not, apparently, on this upper west coast, able to maintain a stable population of killer whales. Inasmuch as the upper-right part of the state provides the water and fish necessary for killer whale survival, perhaps we could make a trade. Thing is, nobody’s sure whether more salmon will help the local resident pods, as the fish may be so contaminated by toxins that each meal is another fraction of a death-sentence. But in the upper Columbia River, where the pollution is minimal, well….

Some might say that orca whales are saltwater animals, unsuited to survive in a freshwater environment. Can we agree that those people will be the first to be fed to the wolves? Others might complain that wolves running free on the streets is hardly a way to maintain civility, inasmuch as wolves already run wild, apparently, in Catholic church youth-group mentorship positions nationwide.

If relocation isn’t possible, perhaps it’s time we start thinking about a “wildlife corridor” lane on ferry sailings. Sure, sure, might be some delay when an incalcitrant emu refuses to turn off its headlights—but hopefully none of us will get stuck behind pairs of every species, lined up two by two in the Orcas Island-bound lane….