— by Caroline Buchanan —
UPGRADE
I really don’t want it, need it
I am happy with my finally familiar functional computer.
But if I don’t get an account with Washington State Ferry Reservation System
I may not be able to get on the ferry.
I really don’t want to…
but I guess I better get a reservation account.
Oh no you can’t!
Your browser isn’t smart enough.
It isn’t up to date enough to take our security cookies.
You have to have our security cookies
before you can have a reservation
so you can get on the ferry.
I really don’t want the security cookies.
I like my computer the way it is,
but I better upgrade my browsers
so I can get the security cookies
so I can have a reservation account
so I can get on the ferry.
Oh no you can’t!
Your computer isn’t clever enough, new enough
to upgrade your browser
so you can have the security cookies,
so you can have a reservation account,
so you can get on the ferry.
You need a newer Operating System
to have a browser smart enough
to have the security cookies that you need for the reservation you need
Or you might not get on the ferry.
I really don’t want the newer Operating System
to have a smarter browser
so my computer can enjoy the security cookies
that go with the reservation system for the ferry
so I can get on the ferry
but I guess I better call and get it.
Yes yes you can.
You need a new OS
We will send you the upgrade in a secret PDF email.
Yes we will.
We will send you the password in a separate email.
You enter the password to get to your upgrade.
When you can navigate your upgrade
you will have a smarter browser
that will enable the security cookies to come on
so you can sign up for a reservation
and be able to get on the ferry.
Oh sorry sorry
we sent you an invalid password
and you had to stay on hold for 43 minutes
while our rap music, so totally cool,
drowned out your own music.
Oh sorry sorry sorry that we sold you the wrong upgrade.
It would not have worked at all
If you had a valid password
And tried to upgrade your computer
So your clever browser could handle the cookies
Of the Washington State Ferries reservation accounts
So you could have a reservation
And get on the ferry.
Sorry sorry
What you really need is some other animal
not leopard or mountain lion but another…
We will send it.
Not to worry. What is your address?
We will send the perfect animal-named operating system.
Maybe Friday it will be at the post office.
When you install it and let your Leopard go,
You can upgrade and upgrade all the way to Yosemite!!
And then you will have a smarter browser
With all the cookies in the store
And get all the reservations you might need
so you can finally get onto the ferry.
What’s this? I can just make a reservation
With the Washington State Ferries account
Without an upgraded browser
Without the cookies
Without wild animals or national parks
With my finally familiar functional computer
I can arrange to drive on the ferry.
I just had to click a different button.
This is so totally wonderful and what a perfect description of what some of us are going through to get a ferry account!! Yeesh! Thanks, Caroline!! Terrific!
Solidarity, Neighbor! Likewise, we’re running an older OS: “Feral Cat,” with a box thats so old that there’s a starter crank, just below the radiator. See you in the Walk-On line!
Brava, Caroline! You speak for many of us. Now perhaps I’ll see you on the ferry – after I’ve also figured out the reservation system.
Is anyone out there in cyberland available to set up accounts for us semi-literate (to be generous about it)users? I’ll bake you a pie…
All we need is a child young enough to understand and handle all this….alas, I’m afraid that we are now too old to have that child….of well. I knew there was a reason I should have had children!!!!! Thanks for the poem Caroline! Merry
I thought the punchline was going to be that you ultimately needed a new computer to handle the new OS to get the new browser to accept the cookie to make the reservation account to take the ferry! Glad it did not go there! But I can imagine some will face that chain of dominos. Kafka would be proud of this lunacy!
I travel “non-stop” (but less than I used to) and I have YET to go get an account. I am not looking forward to attempting to schedule my already over-scheduled life. The ferry I could always just count on for … there is a next one. I can almost guarantee having to reschedule my scheduled sailing 3 out of 4 times. I am wondering how many deposits I will lose due to missing the reschedule cut off time…or missing a ferry due to I-5 traffic. BUT on a positive note – if I think of it – I could now book a sailing on July 5th (if I wanted to be on a ferry with a lot of people, which I try to avoid) Merry Christmas everyone –