Election Monitors on High Alert in Mayoral Race

— from Susan Anderson for Children’s House —

Election officials suspect Tinker of tinkering with campaign financing.

The race for Honorary Mayor of Eastsound is quickly heating up, with a cry for election monitors to begin investigating campaign irregularities. Currently leading the pack of four is Ginger, a miniature horse who apparently misunderstood the intent of the race, registering instead as Ginger for Mare. “I don’t get it,” she said. “How am I not the ONLY candidate suited for this position?”

Bunny Tinker has been seen cozying up with big donors in the backroom of campaign headquarters at Crow Valley Pottery, worrying campaign officials that Russia already may be meddling. Witnesses saw bags of cilantro changing hands in the wee hours and have reported suspicious Facebook ads on his site.

Meanwhile, miniature poodle Rocky announced he’s secured the backing of Ray’s Pharmacy. Despite concerns he’s in bed with the big pharmas, a spokesperson close to his campaign insists squeaky toys, not prescription drugs, are the basis for that partnership.

Trailing the pack, Sgt. Pepper says he hopes to win votes by increasing campaign appearances around town. A “Pep Rally” scheduled June 15 at Island Hoppin’ Brewery will feature music by The Beatles, as well as plenty of beer and peanuts in an effort to get voters off the fence and onto his band wagon.

The 10th Annual Honorary Mayor of Eastsound race, a benefit for Children’s House, ends July 7. Vote early, vote often by placing money in official ballot boxes at local businesses. Vote online (even in your pajamas,) and access links to the candidates official Facebook pages (with selective Russian ads) via www.oich.org.