Can You Get What You Want?

— by Rosie Kuhn —

I Don’t Know What I Want
The most important question, and the initial question, that I pose to any new client when starting a coaching relationship is, “What is it that you want?” You’d be surprised but more often than not, people are challenged to articulate what they want. More often than not, they have trained themselves to want what they “should” want, or want what other people want. When faced with “what is it that YOU want,” their knees go weak and their mind goes foggy and they go into a muddled abyss, not knowing how to answer the question.

I Want But I Can’t Have
My client Michael is at another stage of this Wanting Game. He articulates clearly what he wants. He has a whole list of what he wants, including writing a book, which isn’t happening. In essence, Michael can want, but can he have what he wants? He doesn’t think so.

Tim wants a happy marriage with his partner Tammy. It isn’t happening for Tim right now. He feels powerless and hopeless that he will ever have a loving marriage with this woman that he fell in love with not so long ago. He is ready to leave her. Though he wants a happy marriage, he questions his worthiness of a happy marriage. Tim doesn’t believe he is worthy of having what he wants.

For many of us it is okay to want, but in the moment when we are about to make our dream a reality, all sorts of judgments and interpretations arise – as does anxiety and fear. And we wait for the day when there is enough courage to not only say yes, but to make yes into a reality.

Having What I Want
Last year, there was no chance in Hell you would find me going to Bali. For years I’ve wanted to go to Bali, but, like Michael, Tim, and so many others, I had the capacity to want but not permission from myself to have what I want. Though in my mind it may sound like: “I can’t afford it. I can’t take the time away from work. I can’t travel alone….” The source of all of these statements is the belief “I am not worthy of having what I want.” My life is full of wants and few true fulfillment of what I want. But of late, something is shifting….

Okay – I’ll Go to Bali!!
Allowing oneself to have what they want can be like pulling teeth. Some force seems to be at play that creates a resistance to actualizing wants and desires into manifestation. To have what I wanted meant and means having to take a leap so that having what I want is a good thing and not judged it as a bad thing. Saying Yes to Bali was the first step. What follows, as many of you know who take those steps to manifesting wants into having, is actualizing a plan.

If, perhaps, the source of my not having is the confounding belief that so many of us live with: I’m not worthy, then transitioning through this process can take some conscious and mindful practices in order to ensure fulfillment of my wants. However, more often than not, when I want to fulfill a desire I check to see how relevant it is to my work. I can justify a purchase or a trip if it is related to work – that makes it “worthy,” especially it if is tax deductible. But am I worthy? I will spare you every twist and turn in my adventures down this rabbit hole, but here’s the gist:

As I prepare for this trip and imagine what I want and need, I realize I’ve been questioning everything based on do I really need it or do I just want it? This whole adventure thus far has guided me toward the practice of letting go of needing to need things, and allowing me to have what I say I want. And I haven’t even left Orcas yet! You see, as we weave Heaven and Earth, we have to let go of those beliefs which limit actually having what we want. Otherwise, Heaven is unattainable – even when you are in Heaven!

Creating Heaven on Earth, or Not
I believe we are here on Earth to realize that worthiness isn’t even an issue to having what we want. And certainly other issues such as: is it safe to have what I want? Is it okay to have what I want? are thoughts that, in truth, are based is fear. And in fear, there is no room for fulfillment of any kind. Thus, no Heaven.

I’m so fascinated with this process of letting myself have what I want. It is actually the foundation of any Life Coach’s work – to assist people in having what they want. And, to witness for myself all the strategies in place that have limited my joy, my creativity, my playfulness and happiness, I see that the source of all these limitations is the resistance to allowing me to have what I want. I can easily see it in the Tim’s and Michael’s – in short my clients, but it is only through this process of going to Bali have I been able to see it in me. Oh What Fun!

As we age, we can create more reasons to say yes to having what we want, or we create more reasons to say I can’t have what I want. It takes courage and strength and a hell of a lot of hutzpah sometimes to allow yourself to flourish and thrive. to flourish and thrive, you just have to want it enough to have it! It’s a fun sandbox to play in!

If you’d like to join Dr. Rosie in the AGING – Who Me in-person discussions at the Orcas Island Senior Center, they meet every 2nd and 4th Tuesday, from 10 – 11:30 a.m.

If you’d like to join an online discussion group, please email Dr. Rosie to encourage her to make this available – rosie@theparadigmshifts.com. Or, if you’d like to set up a life coaching session, call 360-376-4323.

We still have room for you in the Bali Retreat: Weaving Heaven & Earth. Click here for more information and to register. Or, email me if you’d like to talk about what you want in life and what you want to do with your want – fulfill it or delay & deny fulfillment!