||| AS THE PARADIGM SHIFTS by ROSIE KUHN |||
As a young adult in my 20s, 30s, and even into my 40s, I would see people with partners, children, houses, cars—success and fulfillment in a nutshell, and I would feel resentful. They had what I wanted, and I was pretty pissed about that!
To be honestly truthful, in my 60s I still witnessed myself believing that I can’t get for myself what I so want. I’ve been bitter for a long time, and I’ve worn victimhood like a cloak of righteousness and an entitlement for the tragedy that was my life. Why did they get what they wanted? Why not me?
Mind you, I grew up in an upper middle class environment. No physical or emotional violence. My parents did the best they could. I never went hungry, cold, or shelterless. In the whole scheme of things, I had a really great life. I just couldn’t see it that way! I was blind to my own riches!!!
Throughout my life, I would hear from different sources that, if you want fulfillment in your own life you have to be happy that other people have fulfillment; you have to practice not only seeing the happiness of others as a wonderful thing, but you have to enjoy and experience gratitude that others are experiencing fulfillment. Why? Because, to embrace the joy of others would allow me to embody that joy and perhaps resonate with it in ways I don’t understand.
Over decades—I’m a very slow learner—I’ve learned that, when your life isn’t working the way you want it to, when you perceive that life isn’t working for you, this is an opportunity to stop what you are doing and perhaps not only listen and hear wisdom, but then to act upon it. Why? Only because the way that it is, right now, is not fulfilling in any way, shape or form! Why keep perpetuating a nightmare when a moment of awakening is right there in front of you? Seeing the beauty of this potential moment transforms one’s reality. Do that over and over again and we have a brilliant and loving world.”
Dilemma
I didn’t like the idea, whatsoever, of being happy for others when I believed myself to be “so deprived.” I grew up in a family with nine children. We were always competing for attention—competing to feel special, seen and heard. There was always the feeling that “they got what I wanted.” This was an engrained pattern of never seeing how good I had it. I’m sure my parents were exhausted by my constant resentment and bitterness. The grudges I held towards others was incessant. I have no doubt that both of my marriages were infused with this “I’m not getting my just rewards.” Lucky husbands, right?
Bottom line: Even though I blamed the world for my not having what I wanted, I hated how I felt within myself. This is part of waking up—feeling what you feel, and realizing that maybe it isn’t so great to be resentful and bitter all of time—always seeing what you don’t have and may never have. And, maybe I couldn’t have what I wanted the way that I wanted, but maybe I could change how I felt—how I was being with my circumstances as they were. I was willing to give it a shot
And besides, what did I have to lose by being happy for others, aside from being more comfortable in my own skin, being more generous of spirit and less stingy in attitude. I’d have to give up my story of how bad I had it. I had to give up whining every night being home alone. I’d have to give up the belief that someone else was responsible for my life being the way that it is. YUCK! It stings when I actually say these words: I had to own 100% responsibility for my own happiness. And, I would have to be accountable for every thought, word and action that aligned me with my bitterness or my happiness. What a dilemma!!!
The Mantra
Regardless of my reluctance, I began practicing the fine art of noticing my resentments. When I heard myself begin The Mantra “They have that, why don’t I,” I’d say “STOP!” Over and over again I would notice the mantra and stop it. Through this practice I began to feel less of a victim and therefore, I had less resentment. I had less negativity in my life. My mind created fewer scenarios of how bad life could get. And, I kind of enjoyed my own company more than ever before. That was the beginning of being the change I wanted to be in my own life, for myself!
Then, as if learning to juggle balls in the air, once I got comfortable with the practice of noticing and stopping The Mantra, I then began to cultivate a sense of happiness for those who had what I didn’t have. Even for only brief moments, I began to feel delight and appreciate that however the Divine Universe works, there is goodness and abundance in the world. And, that it was just a matter of time before I too would be gifted with such abundance. Slowly but surely, to greater degrees of truth this became my reality! Really, nothing much has changed, aside from the fact that I am happier and so grateful for the way that it is. Weird, right?
My circumstances are what they are. I live alone away from my family, and material wealth is not apparent, relatively speaking. However, through this practice of sitting in my dilemma, challenging my belief and the reality that I lack in any way, I’ve come to have a much more delightful existence. It’s no longer such a grueling hardship to my existence to truly be overjoyed by the love that floods the Earth always and everywhere. More and more, I am physically moved and touched by every act of kindness that I witness. What I experience through this practice of being happy for others cultivates a desire to be more generous and kind in the world. I find it contagious! Now, that’s the virus I want to spread around the world!
